I feel like I live in a hotel. You know—you have to have take out and cold drinks from stores because you have no refrigerator. ARGABUGA! So I can’t decide if I want to buy a new one, a used one and take the chance or what? How about a CHEAP one! I went to Best Buy tonight and found one that was reasonable but you have to add delivery and haul off. Sears told me they didn’t haul off but had a place you can call that will do it for a small fee, but they will move it til that place comes. I told them I was an apartment dweller and had no place to move it so then they told me that they made exceptions for apartments and WOULD haul it—free! Ah, double standards. Even when they benefit me they annoy me. I love consistency. Terry was asking me how David and Molly were doing and I had so little to say. That is because they have hardly changed—but in a good way. Talk about consistent. David has never been anything but David in FIFTEEN YEARS. I have know him longer—since I was 17. He is just my old friend. I have been annoyed with him and other stuff, but HE has never changed in any bad way—growing is different than changing. I was even telling my kids today—because it was in the context of the discussion—that men are such stable friends because they are so unemotional. I have actually been blessed with some stable women friends, too but I just love men friends most of the time. Speaking of… Dr Hayes had asked me if I knew of a certain book. Tonight I saw it in the Christian bookstore and I saw why he asked. It is a metaphor of dancing with Jesus. I wanted to buy it but it was $20 and I knew I could get it cheaper. I would love to read it though. But I say all that about men and yet they are lousy at responding. This week I waited to hear from Dr. Hayes and Darrell and heard from neither. David finally wrote back today—three lines. MEN! But I take it less harsh from them too—I am more secure. It is weird. Still I am anxious to hear from both of them on these specific issues that I asked them to reply about!

So yeah, I went to the Christian store. I had a crazy time finding it, but once I did I was so happy. I had not been there yet and it felt like home. I had to detox. All the fridge stress was annoying and I wanted to relax, so that as perfect.

I listened to the CD that my song is on as I drove—man is it ANOINTED. It is so powerful. I had been so consumed with my song I did not realize it! Then I got in the store and heard the music and wanted to dance in the store. The bottom line is that when I hear music glorifying God I want to dance it. Always.

I had no trouble clearing my doctor’s appointment Monday. That means I get the afternoon off. YAY! And maybe I can get those problems taken care of. My legs are a mess. Something has got to give. I still believe God can heal it—I think it is a direct attack. The day the first tendon snapped was the day I did my first grand jete. And every time I have danced alone or in a significant worship aspect since then I have been in real pain. Uh yeah, DUH! I almost hate to see a doctor but the real reason I am going is the other things anyway-that is what I can’t live with. AT this point I am used to dancing in pain. It has been this way since February.

Anyway, I am about to head to bed and read. I have taken to reading the LA Times in bed each night—I get it free at work. Tonight I have some Christian periodicals and stuff too. At least I get to sleep tomorrow.

I finally finished my newsletter for everyone tonight and mailed it off. I had been working on it forever, but I couldn’t send it while I was struggling so much. But this issue is off.

Then I get to fix my printer or buy a new one, fix my refrigerator or buy a new one, and maybe even buy a new phone since I can barley hear. You know I LIKE being single but at times like this I can say, with clear echoes of sexism, it would be nice to have a husband to do the work so I could sit around listening to my CDs, making up dances and reading all weekend. But that is why my trips away are so precious, because my normal life has no rest.

I dance through it all without a breath.