This is a letter I sent to Pastor Darrell, Cindy and a couple others today...

Howdy, all!

Just got in from Dallas--in fact I was trying to buy lunch at Burger King at 10 a.m. and they wanted to sell me breakfast; I found it useless to explain I woke up at 4 a.m. in Dallas, 2 a.m. here, and now at 10 it was noon and I wanted lunch! I took what they had ready.

Meanwhile I have to head off to teach two classes in a few minutes--by way of Starbucks and a TRIPLE espresso latte. BUT I had to write just a bit for now. You guys all (mostly, not all but I had a big breakthrough less than 2 weeks ago, more on that later) know before I went to Dallas I had had a breakthrough with all this stuff regarding LA and did I miss God and all that... well, that was only scratching the surface . I will explain the story later--even I can't formulate it into precise words yet, but I have had some very intense times with the Lord the last few days--some even before I left--and the God has spoken to me as clearly as I ever knew He had. I don't mean
about where to live and all that. Though I do have a sense of that but honestly I could care less right now. I mean, inside. I mean spiritual stuff-- I mean LIFE. Now I know things I have wondered about for months. I know why I came here--I can't tell you still if it as or wasn't God but I know why I came here nonetheless. I know why it went wrong for me. I know to the DETAIL why it was so bad. I know where I made the mistake. I also know why so many other things seemed to crash. In fact some of what has happened is so monumental because it was so bad, but I never shared it all with anyone because it WAS that bad. Several weeks ago I realized something very intense inside me and I knew I had to talk about it with someone because it was so severe but so important to my spiritual life. In the meantime the breakthrough of Nov. 21 came, but that breakthrough was not with an explanation. I knew I WAS better, but I don't know WHY. Back to the awful thing--I thought it was so bad it was going to tarnish everything for years to come. Saturday night Robin came to Dallas not just to hang out but specifically to minister to this area--and God really did a work then. And today--after days of spiritual intensity--today ON THE PLANE the Lord spoke so clearly to me that I literally GASPED in my seat. This was the last (so far) of 11 days of events spiritually--especially the last few. And what haunted me for months generally and then very specifically was touched--it began with some of what Robin said Saturday but today God spoke 6 words to me and that took it away forever.

It was six years ago yesterday I experienced the greatest spiritual moment of my life when I was driving to work in graduate school, had a vision of Jesus, was miraculously delivered of smoking and some other stuff, and my whole life changed forever. That had started three weeks earlier with a huge breakthrough I did not totally understand. Again this type of thing has happened--only it was only about a week before , but yesterday, on the six year anniversary, the Lord spoke and told me what it was.

It was funny, Sunday on my way to the wedding I called a good friend in Texas to chat a bit and told her I was doing so well and she asked what happened specifically. I could not answer her. I could tell her it all started with a prayer and some other details, but it almost sounded lame. Finally I said, I guessed God just showed me mercy and I responded to it. But God is usually a bit more organized than that. The next morning as I prayed--yesterday--He showed me especially WHAT had broken it. And then that started a new chain reaction. God does show us mercy, of course, but He still operates according to His principles and that is the essence of it.

I am probably not making sense. I am talking about a breakthrough of 11 days ago. Then about Saturday through today and then about the other stuff related all the way back to moving. It probably sounds like a hodgepodge of stuff! But it is all logical in my head--in my heart where the sovereign Lord has moved and changed everything. I want to write this out more clearly and I may. What a lesson. When I say huge I mean huge. Whether I leave here or not in three weeks, I leave here SERIOUSLY changed. What I have learned is invaluable. Yesterday after my interview I stopped by Robin's house--I shared with her the epiphanies just of yesterday at that time, and she looked at me and told me "This is huge, Suz." It really is. I don't know how
I can learn what I am learning now and ever live my life the same again. I can't. I want to share this in detail--it is too fresh to do so. It certainly reveals my ugliness, but in the wonderful way that reveals God's goodness. I have learned more about the character of God through this too. Nothing can top what happened to me six years ago but this comes close.

I still don't know where I am moving or what is happening. I know nothing concrete about my life. but I can't tell you the last time I had so much peace. The Lord has done it. And the part that is so amazing to me is in the end it was such a simple thing. When Robin and I were talking last night and I explained it all in detail I said that it almost didn't seem like that could be it because it is so simple. And she added that it is simple yet so deep. The power of the Cross is the simplest and deepest thing ever and I have been there (and still am!) and experienced it all over again.

Well, I would actually LIKE To write more and will probably compose a letter over several days but for now I have to try to wake up ( I AM SO SLEEPY!!!!!) and get some semi-professional clothes on because my little angels await me (-: These are two great classes. I am just sleepy and I really don't want to do anything but pray. It is a good thing everyone's ears are stuffed up on a flight because I was getting so carried away both there and back that I was sitting in my window seat whispering my prayers just to audibly speak them—praying in the Sprit on an airplane could really get you aimed for the loony bin!

So that is part one of this awesome multi-faceted story. More to come but for now I am off!