The oddest pattern in my Christian life is that immediately after serious spiritual breakthroughs, I get sick. I certainly don’t think it is God who gets me sick—I have two theories. One is the obvious Christian one—that it is an attack from the enemy. But just as I started typing I think I might even buy into my other one. I wonder if all that oppression inside is finally free to come out when you are set free spiritually. What I have been through in recent months no one know the magnitude of. I knew a crash was coming but at the time I thought that meant I would get to Texas and cry for weeks. But I was delivered and healed instead—still even atheistic scientists will tell you there are chemical changes in the mind in depression, fear etc. It is almost that whole fight or flight idea and survival instincts that are inherent in our make up as humans. Thus, maybe each spiritual breakthrough is followed by a physical release. Now THAT makes sense.

Alas! I have the flu. Praise God I caught it soon enough and got right into my doctor who gave me flu medication that seriously can reduce symptoms and duration if caught in the first two days. I spent my lunch time praying. When I saw that I was not feeling better I did not analyze further—I called the doctor. When I wake up fine and feel bad midday, that is almost always how I get the flu.

I also praise God for the timing. Although I am in a work dilemma because of this, I am so thankful it wasn’t three days ago in Texas. I don’t even have kids tomorrow, just meetings so even if I go I have an easier day. There is never a convenient time to be sick, but this was probably as god as it would get. Starting next week I get busy again. I do have to pack up by Sunday and that is not convenient, but I am thankful I got to go to church last night and worship so freely and have a great time and then it didn’t even get bad til this afternoon and then if I do go tomorrow I don’t have to handle kids. The doc says I am contagious and should not go but that is a lot of money to toss. They still have my paycheck awry and so January—my last regular check—could be really low so I don’t feel comfortable messing with that. I will try. A few minutes ago when I was shivering so bad I could hardly stand it and my body was awash with aches and I stood dangerously close to the bathroom heater, I thought I might not go—but now with the heating pad on my back and the blanket over me—all drugged up—I might make it. My doc gave me a strong cough medicine so if I never have a cough develop and the aches subside I think I can do it. We will see.

So once I knew it was getting bad I called Terry because I wanted her to pray for me. She wasn’t home but Darrell picked up—and what did I do? Did I ask my kind and loving pastor to pray for me? Nope. I felt stupid and just asked when Terry would be home! Dork alert for sure! But I hung up and cried—I struggle when I am sick. Then I called Robin who also wasn’t home. Then I called Terry’s cell to leave her a message because I knew since she was busy it would be off. So I left her a message. I know I need prayer. So that helped. At the drugstore I bought all sorts of comfort food—cherry licorice bites, circus peanuts, taquitos, canned fruit, cereal and Ben and Jerry’s frozen yogurt. I did not want to have to go to a real store because I wasn’t sure how much energy I had left. I got three potent prescriptions for $10. The prescription strength Ibuprofen—which she mostly gave me because I didn’t have any at home—was FREE under my insurance because it is prescribed OTC—I thought it was $5 but it rang up as $0. Oh how will MISS being fully insured!
So here I am at 7:30 feeling a bit like death warmed over in my body but my spirit is still so alive—so half of me wants to be at a prayer meeting and the other half wants to sleep three days. It is funny. But one thing I LIKE about getting so sick after spiritual breakthroughs is not the sick part but seeing that my faith stands in the midst of it and what I know in my spirit cannot be shaken by my body that even affects my emotion.

Meanwhile in real life I almost scare myself by not being scared. In two weeks I leave here and I have no job—no words from ANYONE. I move out Sunday and have most of my stuff still unpacked and am sick with the flu. I don’t know how ANYTHING is going to work pout logistically—and here I am. All I really wanted to do tonight was go to the Christian bookstore and buy a book I read a portion of online about the Holy Spirit. Usually I am a huge worrier—I hope this is a good extreme and doesn’t mean I have lost all wisdom and sensibility! Shouldn’t I be a bit more concerned than I am! Either way tonight I am too sick to care.

If you read this please pray for me!