Last night right when I got into bed (currently the couch!), I started hacking yet again. I figured after talking to Robin on the phone and then Pastor Darrel, plus teaching all day, I had aggravated it even more. But I wanted to go to sleep. I had taken cough medicine (strong prescription stuff I have been on since the flu hit), but it didn’t work. I took ANOTHER dose. I figured I had a tolerance by now so I would up it. I wanted to just sleep.

Finally I got MAD. I sat up and prayed. I prayed so furiously that I aggravated it even more, but I didn’t care. I don’t even know how long I prayed but I believed and I was mad. I wanted the hacking to stop. I didn’t even mind a bit of stuffy nose and the occasional cough but I can’t STAND hacking—not in me or even the sound in other people. I absolutely hate it. So I prayed and already and prayed. And then I closed my eyes again.

I woke up at least three times in the night hacking—I actually slept worse after praying so hard than I did the other nights since I got sick 6 days ago. I was starting to have visions of driving to Texas, towing a trailer, hacking all the way. The CNN.com top story was the flu outbreak and its severity.

When I woke up, I didn’t dare speak. That makes it worse. Each morning I have woken up coughing the “good” way, where it was doing something and not just hacking but then it would turn dry and hacking, almost convulsive. Today was the same, only I was sore. My ribs hurt. That reminded me of couple years ago when I seemed to have bruised a rib with so much coughing. My throat hurt. And it as also frustrating because it is very hard for me to pray silently. I love to pray aloud. Even alone it helps me focus.

After little sleep I was exhausted and sore and frustrated. I was still thanking God for stopping the hacking, but felt terrible. I wanted to ENJOY my last few days. I thought I might have to call my doctor and ask for something stronger and decided I would drive by a pharmacy I had seen near work and get its name so they could call something in if necessary and I could get it in my prep period.

I sat down to read my Bible and I decided I was tired of this, and I wasn’t giving up. I started reading the Word out loud—just some Psalms I was reading, and that ended up being powerful and I didn’t care if it made me cough because I wanted to pray out loud. So I went for that to specific healing Scriptures—same ones I had been praying. And I read those too. And I sat there and had a wonderful time finally praying out loud again.

But it was in my early morning meeting that I saw that while I had the occasional cough, it was the person behind me hacking! Even after the morning the coughing I was doing was the good kind, not the dry convulsive kind. I was singing as I drove, talking to my classes and I had to cough once or twice here and there but that was it!

While it has flared up a bit moving boxes and running up and down stairs, it is different. It is not all gone, but I KNOW God touched. So there I was, high all day long on that passionate praying.

I can have whole conversations and teach whole increments of lessons hack free. I praise God because, no joke, this stuff is BAD and can longer and HAS in me. In fact my last year’s coughing went on fro a long time until the Lord touched that one night at church.

I have not had medicine at ALL since 6 a.m. and it is 6 p.m. And that is what I prayed—no hacking—just let me be free and let me go to church and be free to dance. I have three times left and I want to enjoy worshipping without the agony.

At least I THINK I have three times left—it is Wednesday and no call yet form the college, but I did get a call from an employer in Los Angels who saw my resume on monster.com. I am sure it is the foil, but I have to admit as far as being CERTAIN, it is still in God’s hands.

Meanwhile, I am typing this on my living room floor—the only things not out of here are my computer and the clothes, etc I need for daily living. In fact I already took most of my clothes to Belma’s and realized last night I didn’t know what I was wearing to work today and tonight I am in the same situation. I have stuff, but it is funny. But you know what else? It is FUN! I love eating take out on the floor and rummaging through my fridge fro something edible. I wouldn’t want to do it for a long time, but right now it actually feels kind of free. I have not been this free in a long time. I was not free before I moved because I was married to the idea of moving. Now I pretty much know where I am going and possibly the general location where I will live, but even that is not certain. And on top of that I am not SURE where I will live and the big mystery is church. Not a CLUE. But I am starting to think it is nowhere I know now.

Well, it is 6:15 and I have to throw on clothes and get to church soon. As soon as I pulled up from work, Randy came down the street the there way in his red Eclipse. Being a man, we got RIGHT to work. I had not had a drink in a while or even a real lunch (nutrition bar and apple at 1) and was so hungry. But to work we went. We loaded the rest of the storage stuff in my car and his and drove off to Sunland and unloaded it. The rest I will get alone or Jenna will help me with—not much really. Then he went his way and I grabbed dinner (El Pollo Loco—last night was the wonderful Italian Fisherman). Right now it is fun—when I return to East Texas (if I do) I am determined to begin running again—that is the only place I ever loved it. I need my trees and nature trails and lakes and cows.

Thank God I‘m a country girl.