I guess you know you are doing something right when the worst the devil can do to you is spill your Cokes.

Seriously, my life has gone from serious crises to spilled Diet Cokes and as annoying as that is, I take it as a good sign! First it was the spilled Einstein Bros. Bagels large Diet Coke on the floorboard of the rental car. Later tonight it was the large Diet Coke from Sonic all over Aunty Rose’s floor. Aunty Rose’s husband seemed very mellow about the whole thing and went to get me paper towels. I resisted the urge to tell him I still had the remains of a roll in the car from today’s spill. I am staying here tomorrow night too and I didn’t want to be asked to leave!

I am kidding about that part of course, but it was really amazing. Really STUPID things have been happening today. Annoying things. Little foxes but the vine is still ripe. I suppose my funniest story of the day was when I tried to break into hotel restrooms. I left my hotel at noon and had four hours til the wedding. I was in sweats and a t-shirt. When I am require to wear things like black velvet you can count on me putting it on at the last possible second! Thus, after the paper towel run down Northwest Highway, I ended up in Market Center. Perfect, I thought—I will use the lobby bathrooms at the Holiday Inn. I have stayed there a few times is I know the hotel. I gathered my stuff into my backpack and walked in as if on my cell phone like I owned the place. The desk clerk did not blink. VICTORY, I thought-until I got to the bathroom and saw the out of order sign.

At the Fairfield Inn across the street there WERE no lobby bathrooms so I went in one door and out the back. Then came the Sheraton Suites. Had I been in a little suit no one would have been suspicious, but I was dressed down and carrying a backpack. I strolled through the lobby (no bathrooms but what can you do after having gone that far?! I kept walking). I could feel the eyes of the desk clerks and bellhops on me but I walked on as if I belonged and got right on the elevator and went to the 3rd floor. Nothing there but a maid who eyed me. I kept “talking” on the cell. Then I took the stairs down and at the ground level found the only way out was the emergency exit. Thus, I had to go down the elevator. When I stepped off I did not look up but I noted peripheral the bellhop walk toward me. I finished my pretend dialing and started in :”Hey! Where are you?” I just went to your room and you weren’t there?.. uh huh. Okay, UGH! I guess I am ten or fifteen minutes from you…” I talked myself right out the door, acting oblivious to anyone following me, but boy was that man watching me. Next time I break in to hotel restrooms I really must dress for the occasion.

Finally I drove off toward downtown. It was an hour before the wedding and I had just gotten through to Tara on the phone—and then I found a McDonald’s—those are the best places to change clothes anyway. So I changed and got there on time. But what an adventure.

The wedding was stunningly beautiful. Maxine was the perfect bride. Aunty looked incredible. Pastor Michael did a beautiful ceremony (in fact if I ever get married I want the very vows they spoke). The sisters were more beautiful than I had ever seen them and Anna and Brandi looked as beautiful. The place was filled with old friends and it was so formal and elegant. I have never seen a fancier hotel in my life. There was a formal sit down dinner and great events all through the night. Beverly and I were seated at the same table and we just really seem to have connected. She wished I would move to Norman, OK where she lives, but we realized we can get together when I get closer (if I get closer). I told her we can get together on a weekend and eat out late at night (like we did in Pennsylvania!) and on Sunday morning we can get up and instead of going to church we can just pray. She thought it sounded great too. It would be neat.

I have only one more major event—the interview for the job that seems like it would be a complete fluke if I got it, but when a college wants to interview you don’t say no. And then I go back to CA early Tuesday morning. Amazingly a part of me WANTS to go back—I miss church and I want to talk to Terry. The thing is, I had this serious breakthrough and then other than Thanksgiving have not had much opportunity to practice in it. I want to go live victoriously in LA even if it is only for three weeks.

And then I think I want to come back here. I am still not sure and don’t venture to say certainly, but yeah, I just like how I am here. I like Texas. I like northeast Texas—I really can’t say about Houston. But again I repeat—where God opens the door and my heart connects is where I go. It is not about just me and what I want. I will know—I just know I will know. I might know by elimination. If nothing comes of the other jobs and Dr Hayes still has one open, then I will know that is it for me. I mean sometimes it is just clear, you know. But even if there is a choice, I will know. My heart will know. One thing I said to Robin really makes sense. Right now in my life I am not seriously attached to anything. As much as I love Terry and Darrell and the church, I don’t even have that solid connection yet because it is too new. Meanwhile I have severed the deep emotional attachment with my old life. Therefore, it will be easier wherever I go because I am not losing one for another. When I arrive—or settle in LA in my heart—then the new attachments begin.

I am tried right now—worn out I guess. It has been busy and weddings can be exhausting, as wonderful as they are. I get to sleep in in the morning. I don’t have to leave Dallas til 11:30 or so. I will probably leave earlier but I don’t HAVE to and that is nice. No doubt I will search out a bagel again. But nothing will beat my nutty banana bagel with gingerbread cream cheese today. I hope I got my klutziness out today so I don’t trip over my feet in my interview or something! My other klutzy act of the night was when I got here to Aunty Rose’s. I parked on the street of course. At the hotel I had to use valet parking ($6—much easier to pay after LA!) so to threw everything (like my mass of paper towels and garbage) in the trunk. The after the wedding I had to take a car-full of people home so I had everything askew (we won’t talk about the smashed banana on the back floor board—courtesy of an Army guy riding in my small car! Paper towels and baby wipes are my friends!). So I stood there in the dark—no trunk light either—and was unloading my stuff onto the sidewalk in front of Aunty Rose’s and something fell. I have no ideas what fell but when I looked I realized it was not a good thing. I had parked smack in front of the drainage opening and whatever fell had fallen about 5 feet to its resting place! I couldn’t believe it—and of course I was trying to decipher what it was… athletic shoe? Journal? Cell phone? Thank God none of the above; all are accounted for. I still don’t know. I had a mini flashlight but I couldn’t really tell. Aunty Rose’s husband said we can shine a flashlight down in the morning because there is a manhole cover and if it is important there is a possibility I can retrieve it. But so far I can’t find anything missing. It is nothing valuable or special so I am okay there. But it could even be an article of clothing—my bag was not shut in the hurry of it all. I had taken it out zip it and that is when something dropped. I was hardly surprised after my craziness.

The other amusing part of the night is when the bride tossed the bouquet. It was neat because it was made up of fresh roses and the bouquet spilt apart so several beautiful roses flew out at us. Jeanette, my friend from New York, and I were nearby and one rose fell near us—we missed the others. We went for it and somehow she got the flower—and I got the stem! Oh, did everyone have a laugh at that. I played it up as a big joke and stuck out a pity lip. Everyone grabbed Pastor and Aunty and everyone to laugh –it was funny. And Jeanette and I got a picture of me “pouting” with my stem. But dear Pastor Michael came to the rescue and gave me a mini rose bouquet—not two inches tall—that goes on a lapel. Even Aunty didn’t give me her Husband Look after that!

And now I am in bed at Aunty Rose’s—a lovely home in De Soto, down the street from Shachah—three hours or so from Mount Pleasant. I will probably go by Robin’s tomorrow evening on my way out of town. Knowing me I will probably pray! I wanted to stop and pray for people all over tonight—especially Beverly when she got very weepy at missing her friends and how much she loves us all and wished we were closer because this ids where her fiends are. Yup, Susan the prayer sap.

When I talked to Tara today she asked me what had happened that turned me around. I told her how I hit a really low point and then how Robin had prayed for me and little things happened but then the big breakthrough was with Terry and I praying. It really doesn’t make a lot of sense on its own. But the Holy Spirit doesn’t make much sense in the human mind!

This morning I had an incredible time praying. It was just before I checked out and I had read my Bible and wanted to stop and pray. Sometimes the anticipation of going into that place of prayer is so exciting in itself, and that is how I was. And then I started praying in the Spirit and boy was it amazing. Robin used to tell me that she sometimes knew what she was praying and today that happened—I wasn’t even aware until it was. I was seeing a picture in my head and hearing what I was saying, and WOW!

Well, although I get to sleep in, I want to wind down now—I have to edit this and also have to read, pray and prepare for tomorrow. This week stuff will happen that will guide me and I need to be prepared. I don’t know for sure if the answer will come, but I ought to know what is or is not working by the end of the week. Sometimes that happens through no calls or words—sometimes it is a disappointing letter “we’re sorry…” and then you cry, grieve what could have been and move on. After tomorrow then I set my sights in Wednesday night—church—I can’t wait to get back to church. After work I will move stuff to storage—just a bit but that is when it starts. I wonder how my life will be different by the next time I step foot in church. Will I be able yet to answer the question of where I am going? So many questions here.. are you back to stay people randomly asked. No. Yes. Maybe, My stalk answer was “it’s all in God’s hands.”

I remember a birthday card Shekinah gave me years ago. I still have it. She says something in it about how God had me on His date book. I LOVED that sentiment. And I know it is true now too. On His master date book on one of the days it says something like “Susan accepts job in ________.” Of course I know He doesn’t have to write it down, but I like the idea.

December ___, 2003. Susan accepts job in __________________.

Meanwhile tomorrow is December 1. The smoking deliverance anniversary the vision of Jesus anniversary—the day everything changed irreversibly and I was truly a new creation.

It all happened one Monday morning (hey! It has been six years so it is Monday again—WOW!!!) on my way to work at the college. One minute I was smoking a cigarette and singing along and the next I was lost in the most passionate worship I had ever know, saw my Lord on the Cross, finally REALLY understood what that meant and never smoked again. It was a miracle. Every December 1 is special. But in six years it is still coming full circle.

For all the ups and downs, these six years have been the best life ever.

He’s real—and the words I understood that day six years ago resound tonight again:

It is finished.


Monday morning… I am about to get ready and head out. I woke up at 7:42—the reason I mention that is because I woke up and turned on my phone to see the exact time and realized it was probably the time, maybe to the MINUTE that six years ago I had my visio n. Usually I had to be at work at 7 on Mondays but six years ago when we went into December, our Monday meetings were at 8. It happened just about 10 miles from work—so 7:42 is a good bet. Nice way to awaken. It was a curious thought a while later when I looked at my phone again to see the time and it was some time after 8. I thought back again and thought, by this time it had happened. Amazing wshat one half hour can mean. It can be ordinary and usual, or in that time your life can be touched and changed forever. It was just an interesting thought.

A few minutes ago I was praying and I think I got the rest of the key. Tara asked me yesterday what specifically happened that broke this and I couldn’t tell her. I said I thought it was just God’s mercy and then I responded to His mercy, but I think I just saw it and WHY that prayer did it. It WAS the prayer but I don’t think any prayer would have done it. I think it was a powerful spiritual principle in force—and I am going to share the details of this another time—once it is all settled in me and completely dealt with. But I think I saw why that prayer at that time worked—and I think I also just glimpsed the power of love and WHY our loving others is so important. Oh BOY is this revelation!

Well, I need to get myself ready. Aunty’s Rose’s husband needs to help me look down the manhole for my lost possession! Then I need to find a bagel, pray more as I drive and get to my interview. I will have to post this tonight when the phone line is free.