This morning as I prayed something made sense. This is the first time in close to a year that I have not sat there desperate to be somewhere. I know that will sound crazy to people who have read this blog or talked to me, but the fact is, I could be in Minnesota or Manhattan in a month and it hardly makes a difference.

I guess I got all the desperation out of me.

I look at the possibilities I currently see—and who knows if there are more unseen. Every single one of them could be okay. In fact it is a half-full/half-empty scenario because with every one will come sadness at the one that wasn’t, so I will have to look at what is. I mean, let’s look at some possibilities—the college job is a teacher’s dream in a beautiful, peaceful area. The Houston job is the best boss ever and chance for advancement at work, as well as a church that uses and loves Shachah and already is welcoming me. These are just two examples. In other words, in every scenario I see (there are more), I get something wonderful out of it. And that something wonderful is a sure thing—something I already know, at least partly.

Maybe that fact makes it easier to say I don’t care much where I am, but I am serious when I say if someone in Michigan called me tomorrow about a job I would at least listen to him or her (No, I have NO applications out in Michigan!). I guess what I realized as I prayed—and enjoyed every blooming second of it, I might add—is that I have no demands left. Praise God. His will is my desire and there is no gunk to mess it up. Since March of last year all I wanted was to be here. I saw NOTHING but North Hollywood in my head. Then I hated that so much that I wanted nothing to do with it. But now I love it in the midst of hating it, so it is not so black and white (Whoa! Major revelation to something Terry and I talked about Sunday!!!!). For a while, after that, all I could see was Texas. But then the image I saw didn’t work out, so the bottom line now is that there are several possibilities and none is a nightmare anymore.

It is the funniest thing in the world… I have no home after Dec. 15; I have no job after Dec. 19. I won’t even have furniture anymore! But I feel more free and less anxious than I have in almost a year.

That is not a bad place to be at all.

Meanwhile, I listen again and again to my song. This is the song I wrote about several weeks ago that I was seeing a dance to even in the pit of darkness. I still see the dance, only now I am in the light and that song has proven prophetic. I suppose it was God’s quiet word to me in the pit—only I could not see that then. I have it on “repeat” in the car and the words are taking on a new meaning in the other side of this.

Maybe someday I will dance it.

But for now I think I will just live it.