One thing I hate about weekends now is that it is down time—you cannot find a job when schools are closed. DRAT! So now I live for Mondays when schools open and jobs post on the teacher sites. Until the break I am in limbo.

I have been thinking almost constantly about my epiphany from last night. I think I need to say it to someone, but WHO is the question. I keep coming back to Darrell. I thought about Terry. She would listen, and I think understand it mostly, but I don’t think she is right to share this with in the midst of it. I thought about Robin. If she were close by, if we had an ongoing in-person relationship, I would choose her first. But it is not a phone thing and it is not something to say in passing. If I get back to Tyler and see her on any regular basis, I will tell her, but that is the only way I could—if our relationship were built back up in person. I think this one might be better for a man. I can’t explain that exactly—it is that women are more emotional (says the emotional woman) and so much more mercy motivated that I am not sure because of the depth of this that a woman could remain as objective and yet still help. It is very serious. It is something that has to be dealt with before I am truly past this. So the bottom line is I have to do something. Now that I know WHERE the tears come from, it changes things. It also tells me it is urgent and needs to be addressed. Gosh, I am learning SO much. But this one is KEY. That is the bottom line. THIS is what needs to be worked out for everything else to fall into place.