Life got more complicated today. The money thing did not have a very happy ending—and I get to live on $700 LESS than I planned. Not cool. This in the month I have a Shachah trip AND the wedding trip—but it got more complicated than that.

In the middle of the day my cell phone rang. Marshall ISD called to ask me if I could come interview for an English job at the high school. So I made a tentative interview appointment for the day after the Thanksgiving break. I called American Airlines and basically I can change the date of return for the $100 change fee with no additional fees. Adding to that is this rental car—CHEAP for Monday but if we get into Tuesday is crazy. Thing is I don’t want to pay that for only one interview that is not even a top choice—but if the college can interview me that day too I might go with it. Then a new possibility opened up at an education service center—yes, folks, teaching TEACHERS not students. I applied. I did not even know if I was qualified so I wrote to ask and they said I was. It would be working with curriculum which has become a passion of mine after seeing what is out there!

Meanwhile I was so disgusted with the district that my teaching morale was as low as it could be. I had a faculty meeting—for which I was unapologetically 15 minutes late because I had to deal with this. Man, you could have melted a chunk of ice with the look on my face. I was livid. And I resented being in a meeting when they cannot even pay me my salary to be at work. I stood in the back, refused a chair and stared as if I cared—or maybe it was not as if I cared. Hasmik took one look at me and asked me what was wrong. I told her. Then I refused a seat and told her I was sick of the payroll office doing this. I spent the rest of the meeting fighting tears. I did not turn on a smile or pretend. I have HAD it. We had to fill out a survey of our school. They MADE us turn it in, which is too bad because I was honest. It had statements like “this school is challenging students with tough curriculum” and you had to mark from strongly agree to strongly disagree. Well, DUH! A short story in our textbook has our kids so stumped they don’t even know what happens in it after they read it—it is hard story but the fact remains it would not be in a 9th grade text if many 9th graders could not handle it. Nope. It is all are we teaching the standards. Gag me!

This money things almost ensures my leaving. I did not move 1500 miles to be broke. FORGET IT! The problem is living NOW. I will get this money back because they can switch it to the retirement fund and when I leave this place I can get a full refund minus the 20 percent tax penalty. But none of that will come before I am to attach a trailer hitch on my car, rent a U-Haul and haul myself home where people care about people. So how I am going to make it is beyond me and yet I could not afford to stay now if I wanted. I am not happy. In fact I am quiet and stiff—that is a sure sign I am about as upset as I get. When loud people get terribly quiet, run! I am considering legal action or at least a grievance over the incompetence. Not even an apology came out of this.

Anyway, I am disgusted. I want to enjoy PA and my trips and not worry about stuff. I asked the woman what happened to a little humanity. She didn’t like that. No doubt she got paid a full check!

So things are turning but I am not sure how. A job interview is a good thing. The college also seems encouraging but that is very hard to get—if I go up against a PhD I might as well forget it. The administrative job pays well—it is a 12 month position but with the main holidays off-let’s face it I work all summer anyway. It pays almost what I make here. It is in Dallas of course. So I guess I would reverse the commute. Sunday and Wednesday in Tyler instead of Saturday and some Sundays in Dallas. I will NOT find a new church; I have two perfectly good ones and that is that. I am at a point now where I am fixing to take ANYTHING to get out of the job I am in.

Shachah wants me to do a site survey for the San Diego conference—something I did not mind until this happened. The ideal would be to do it when I go see David, stay the night and go from there. But that is a hotel I can no longer afford. So it means more gas and driving. I am not yet sure how I will handle Pastor Dan and Cindy coming to dinner. It costs so much to cook for people—that is the only reason I don't do it more often. I think I just won’t buy other food this month. I have dry foods and stuff. I just want to be sure I have enough to interview.

Truth is I cannot even see the end of the tunnel right now. I look at my fully finished apartment and lack of income and wonder how I will ever get to Dallas or Marshall or anywhere in between. I gave up officially today on the job I wanted because it would be easiest. I guess my second choice is the college, third is the administrative one. There is a journalism job near Houston I could probably walk into tomorrow if I wanted. But I want something I feel more certain about and so far nothing is right.

On that note it is almost 8 p.m. I am going to pack TONIGHT for PA since I have my list from Shachah now—thank goodness no costumes just regular clothes! YAY! And then I am going to bed. This day has far exceeded its allotted energy.