The best Thanksgiving ever. I had a grand time. It is 9:30 p.m. now and I just got home. The festivities continue at the Bruce’s but I can barely stay awake. My day began early, but was worth every second.

I woke up at 4:15 a.m. and could not sleep. I was excited. Then I had that desire to pray I occasionally (far TOO occasionally) get in the middle of the night. So I lay there praying in the Spirit. I finally gave in and got up. I got conscious and then decided to dance to my song. It is a ten minute track but the song itself, after about 5 or 6 minutes, turns into more of a free worship time with the lyrics. I danced those first few minutes and then I spent that and the next song on my face before God. And the things that came out were powerful—believe it or not too personal for my blog, even—though I shared them with a beaming Terry tonight and will, I imagine, with Robin Saturday

I loaded up a couple boxes to store at Terry’s, got my clothes and cooking supplies and a big Diet Coke (in a foam cup!) and headed for Terry’s. I arrived at about 7:40 and the day was a whirlwind from there. We enjoyed cooking. I made a lot of stuff and we gabbed—or I gabbed and she listened. Darrell teased me that he could have had two more hours of sleep if SOMEONE wasn’t talking outside his room. Ha! I said he was just cranky because I talked to him when football was on. But it was all in good fun, of course. Pastor Darrell is one of my personal heroes—even if he is glued to football.

A few people arrived—I was curious to note that Terry’s friends were people I really liked. No joke I thought I was sitting around the table with women from Texas. But then Terry is not the typical Angelino.

The turkey was textbook; the dressing delicious. But the real hit of the day was the mashed, er, uh… dripping potatoes. Terry overcooked them while she was finishing her hair (I got a lovely picture of that to circulate soon online!). Then they were a STRANGE consistency. So then I got involved and tried to doctor them up. I added milk and sour cream a lot of butter to change the consistency. It worked but got then even softer than they already were, but at least we recovered the taste. So the end result was very mashed potatoes (no straws, PD!) that people actually had second on. It became the joke of the day… some potatoes with that?

The we all hung out and talked. I was drifting off a bit by the afternoon’s end. Then I searched for the missing coat! It happened when I was looking at the sale ads. I need a dress for the wedding after discovering it was more formal than I imagined! I saw ads for coats and one looked familiar. Then I remembered the coat I had last year. The brown one I got for a steal at Beall’s and took to PA. At first I thought maybe I only THOUGHT I bought it. I was truly baffled. Then I remembered the deal I got—I DID buy that coat. Okay, where WAS it?! I had not seen it in months—and just now missed it! So I checked the BIG box I had—it was a clothes box of older stuff I had ever even unpacked that I am leaving. I looked through the whole thing. No coat, but I did find something else. The cheerleading outfit I used at Quitman for that spirit day. What did I do? I put it on over my t-shirt and windpants. Terry’s friend laughed so hard, even DJ looked shocked when he walked in the room and I cheered “Go, DJ!!!!” while making stupid cheering motions. Darrell looked like I had fallen off my rocker. But the funniest part of all was when Sandy was leaving and Darrell and Terry were outside with her. I found her pictures she had left and tried to catch her. “Are these yours?” I called from the front step. They were, and so I ran to give them to her—down the street in a cheerleading outfit, And Darrell about died! “NO!” he said “go back in the house.” So of course I milked it. “But PASTOR!!!” I yelled. He RAN! He literally RAN DOWN THE STREET AWAY FROM ME. And I am in my cheerleading costume chasing him, yelling, “But PASTOR, I need COUNSELING.” It was so funny that I cannot write this without laughing hysterically. Terry just shook her head at her kids there. Inside I had to stop cheering until President Bush’s speech was over with. Then Darrell said I could cheer. I asked if his reaction meant he would not take a picture with me in my costume. I was mostly joking. I didn’t think for a SECOND he would, but he said “if I must.” So DJ took a picture of me with both of them—I was in my cheerleading outfit.” I sat there eon the couch by Darrell’s chair having this totally deep conversation about guys and dating—in my outfit. It was so incongruous. I said it was scary—from depressed to THIS. But he said he just wanted me to be who I was. Ta da! The free spirit returns.

Thank God.

I never found the jacket and still have no clue what happened to it!

After the last person left, Terry said they had a present for me for my birthday. It was two parts. On top was a pair of white satin ballet slippers with pink roses—like the pin ones hanging from my windshield—she found me new ones after all these years! That in itself would have been enough, but there was a jewelry box in the bag. In it was a beautiful gold cross. It is reversible—one side is all gold and the other is silver and gold. It is delicate and stunning. I could have easily bawled. She put it on me. “This is to remember’” she said even before she knew the rest of the story. Always kindness. Always love.

She went to pack—and I had told her I had something to tell her that would shock her. But it didn’t because she knew in her spirit when I said that. She was about ready to go and she told me to come talk to her first so she could hear it. So we went to her room so she could finish. I told her the whole inner story of all that is going on. Suddenly that cross she gave me became more special. As we said goodbye late in the garage, both of us saw that cross had become a symbol of this chapter and what has happened recently.

“Do you realize how huge this is?” she asked me. I think I know it is a big deal, but even as she talked, I think that I saw more by what she said. So we talked quite a while—Darrell gave up on a 6 p.m. departure and talked to DJ. Then he came in to say he had to pick some stuff up at the church, but Terry said she was ready. But then there was another delay and he had to do something so she grabbed me and said “let’s go pray a bit before he does that.” I joked “what makes you think I would want o pray?” “We need to,” she said—her attitude like always being that when you spend time and conversation centered around God you need to thank Him for it and not go off and NOT talk to Him. I love that attitude. So we went in the computer bedroom and didn’t have much time—so I said “Let me start then” and I did. No hesitation, no fear—not with a full heart. It was awesome. I mean it really was. When you do share conversation like that that is so God—it really DOES seem almost RUDE to end it and not address the One on whom it was centered. I mean, it really does when I look at her viewpoint. I am going to make a better effort to do that. So we prayed, hugged a million more times and said goodbye. Both of us return from our trips on Tuesday. By then I could have some answers. Who knows. I think I did give Terry a bit of a surprise by something very concrete I told her in one area, but it was all a good surprise. I may not be 100 percent back in a couple ways, but there is life in me like nothing I can express.

So then I went to Pastor Dan and Cindy’s—mostly to deliver the three leftover pies! With all of us going out of town no one could take them. I visited there a while—I was pretty tired by the end so I bowed out after les than two hours. They walked me to the door as I left. Pastor Dan was saying how sometimes Cindy had given him email updates from me—“especially if you were having a crisis so I could pray.” And I looked at them both and said “there are no more crises. God has done something and I am okay. Totally okay. I don’t know what is happening but there is no more crisis about it and I don’t need prayer in that way.” Cindy seemed very happy—she saw a lot of the ugliness too as I expressed my displeasure. I will share more with her later.

I drove home very sleepy but alive. I am leaving in the morning—I am not packed; I have not even done lesson plans for Monday. Tomorrow I will wake up and be 34, and I am actually entering it in a better state than I began age 33. That is a MIRACLE. I have not even blogged some of the things here that would tell that. I shared some with Terry tonight—no one knew how bad I felt, how low I got. I never was tempted to leave God. It wasn’t ever a matter of losing the basic faith of salvation—and that is nice to know that at least in the lowest point there was that was not in question. But there was more ugliness than I knew inside me. But this Thanksgiving was one of true thanksgiving. The last week has been a miracle in the hand of the Lord.

It really is an amazing thing. I don’t know where I am going—I have no idea where I will be living in just over a month. And it is exciting. I feel like a canvas God is about to paint but I can’t tell you what colors are on His palette. This is SO unlike me—Miss Control, Miss I-Want-to-Know. I had an epiphany as I drove to Terry’s this morning that I think will become an article or testimony or something—it is a slang phrase and sums it all up. So amazing that I could be so unsure and yet so happy. Terry said it first, and the Cindy said the very same thing later when I told her how I was okay. Sometimes the most profound things are the most simple—yes, Terry, yes, Cindy—I guess that is it—even I did not see it as that because it was so easy and so natural:

The peace that passes all understanding.

Three cheers for God! Go, God!!!!