This is my only free weekend all month between now and after Thanksgiving, and I am so glad. I need the time this weekend to do some stuff, and then I want to stay busy. During the week, time flies pretty well even though I am not exceptionally busy because I am always wanting to go to bed early—I think this is just all related to not being too happy at work and so I want to crash after work and then crash early to get rest. I am out two nights a week with ballet and church and that is a decent schedule.

This weekend I need to do the usual stuff like gather my bills for when I get paid next week, clean up, finish unpacking and even begin packing for Pennsylvania because right before my TX trip I had a hard time packing (of course I was also doing it with a migraine!). I want to rearrange my room too. I never settled in my bedroom after I moved in. So I threw it al together and left it somewhat neat. But it is bothering me. I need to change the bed and stuff because I have decided I need to be praying in there in the mornings. My bedroom is more a haven than the living room here (I think because the living room is so big and wide open). I am fixing to have dinner guests, two sets in three weeks, so I want to get everything nice in my dining area where I have some paperwork and stuff with nowhere to put it. I am going to try to get some boxes today or something and start putting it in there. I was going to buy a file cabinet, but that is pointless since I can’t take much when I leave! Does it sound as if I am packing? I guess I am. Not officially, and not packing up the whole house, but getting things together so that when the time comes I can pack QUICKLY. There is a lot of stuff I kept only on principle when I came here. I was out to PROVE that I did not have to give everything up. I also knew how much everything cost here and did not want to replace pots and pans. But guess what? I can do that in Texas. And the principle doesn’t matter now that I have learned the truth of the matter. So other than decent dishes and a couple Tupperware type things, it is all going. I simply don’t CARE anymore. Money is irrelevant. I will take anywhere form a $12,000 to an $18,000 pay cut to come home and I COULD CARE LESS as long as I can make enough to LIVE. If I did everything “right” here, within a few years I could be making close to DOUBLE what I made when I left Tyler ISD and that means NOTHING to me. Money is useless when you are miserable.

So yeah, I am starting to pack a little. I have a front closest that has two unopened big boxes in them from when I moved and I am adding to them. What I find most interesting is that I have a storage area in the parking structure that has two boxes of school materials there that I also never opened or took to work. They are ready to go back also. Of course God knew all along what the real story was, so it makes sense. My classroom is virtually bare of my possessions. I just somehow never got around to moving in—and that was not conscious.

So basically when I get a job that is the sign. I am worried about my lease. My HOPE is that my landlords will be much too annoyed to want to make an issue out of this and will just release me by keeping my deposit—which covers a whole extra month’s rent and enough to clean and should let them have time to rent this again without losing income. So I am praying. I have a call into the union (gag) at work and the director will call me Monday to verify that I can leave with a 30 day written notice. Of course all this can happen and as long as I am jobless it is pointless. I have a part time job but even n Tyler, Texas it is not enough to live off of. I had a dream last night I was at Shelly’s dance studio at my first Pointe class. It was so nice to have happy dreams. I still woke up once during the night but now I just expect it. I did not take my extra pill today and I am not sure what I am doing. I did not call my doctor this time. I am tired of calling her. And you know what? Even with a $15 co-pay (boy will I miss the benefits here! I have everything fully paid, which is rare) when you have to see the doctor 4 or 5 times a month it is a lot of money! Besides, I do not have a whole lot of money left over this month—between a trip and the expenses related to it, I am down to the wire, BUT I did save. The good news is that I am currently saving enough money to live on HERE in the two months I don’t get paid in the summer but I will likely be living THERE so I should then have some extra moving money. Also my retirement is coming directly TO me right now, so that is less of a hassle. And the best part about getting rid of furniture is this: Everyone who knows that my aunt left me a little bit of money knows this. I said I wanted to do something that mattered with that money. It wasn’t enough to put a real dent in my debt but it was enough that I could do something that she would like too. So I decided long before I even thought of moving to CA to buy some new furniture with it because one thing I loved about her home was her beautiful furniture. She had given me the gorgeous tables and I wanted to buy a couple pieces (certainly of a lower quality than what she had but that were nice in appearance) to make the whole room nice. Then I found out the money was tied up until Nov. 5 so I couldn’t do anything until after I moved anyway, but the fact is I won’t NEED to take my major furniture back because of that. It is neat; it makes me think she is still with me and helping me as she did when my mom died. I have really been missing her lately—I think because Christmas is coming and for the first time is years I don’t have a place to go and I keep THINKING I am going there.

Anyway, I should stop yapping on this computer an get to work. Next weekend Darrell and Terry are coming to dinner and then I think Jenna and I are going to dinner at a place in her area that I LOVE that has this Italian dish that I have been trying to imitate for years since I first tried it. Then the next weekend I am in Pennsylvania from Thursday to Sunday night and then Monday in Downey for a work thing and off Tuesday. (this means I will not be at work from Wednesday to Wednesday and that will help). Then the NEXT Weekend Pastor Dan and Cindy are coming. Then the weekend after, I go to Orange County to see David. The weekend after that is Thanksgiving and I fly out of here again for four days. And somewhere in there I have to drive to San Diego! Shachah wants to know if I will survey a site for a seminar they are planning, and of course I said yes. So once I get that information it will involve my driving down to San Diego, where I have never been so I am looking forward to it, and doing that also. So it will be a bit nuts. Just the way I like it!