One night over three years ago I woke up out of a dead sleep at 2 a.m. praying for someone. It is the only time I can say with certainty God spoke through me and something changed. At the time when I realized I wished I had never woken up. It seemed to ruin my life in that period. I still can’t hash it all out. In the very end I guess it turned out okay.

I thought about it yesterday in church in reflecting on mistakes and the will of God. I tried to think not how it affected me, that 2 a.m. prayer, but what happened to the other person and what might have happened had everything not happened. We always come back to God would have done something else and used someone else, so, please, I was irrelevant in the great scheme of things—which when you think of it that way makes you wonder why it all matters. Sort of how Robin always says if SHE had not been the one to love and disciple me God would have sent someone else. I never liked that. Then what is the use of an individual person if God will just use anyone? I am just not sure I buy that. Anyway, I am deviating… I don’t know what to think. But in this divine appointment or divine mistake I am reflecting on the last one and thought of that 2 a.m. prayer when I truly saw something happen. Do I think it was God?

Yes.

So what might have happened if I hadn’t prayed?