October 3, 2003

David decided I am not financially hopeless. And I didn’t even cry talking about it. We are going to get together every month. That means so much to me. I know that is a God Thing. I really do. I think that is a provision of God while I am here. God has put him back in my life because I need someone regular—even once a month regular. I am thankful.

It is past 11:30 and I just got home. Tomorrow I have to be at Women’s Word Study at church. I didn’t sleep much last night—hard to fall asleep even with a potent sleeping pill—when you slept til 10:30 a.m. that same morning, but the rest helped my body so much.

I like where David lives—and this was one of the delights of my day. He lives in the heart of Orange County in Irvine. I used to hate OC, years ago I thought it was merely a habitat for the snobs. But last month when I went down I realized I liked something about it. Then when I needed to get away for the weekend a couple weeks ago I was happy to go to Orange County. Tonight as I drove in (a two hour drive in traffic—should be 45 minutes) I realized WHY liked Irvine and that part of OC. It reminds me of north Dallas. So yeah, I felt at home. I mean, duh—I spent enough time in north Dallas—and usually because of Shachah so that makes the memories more fond. So I am telling David this as we drive to dinner and he asks if he told me the story he learned when he went on a business trip to Dallas a couple years back. The real estate developers shared the history of that area of Texas with him Seems although Irvine is not super old, Irvine Ranch is, and many years ago John W. Carpenter (a name anyone from Dallas will know)—(David said this and I said “I have driven the John W. Carpenter Freeway!”) came to Southern California and he liked Irvine so much that when he went back he developed an area of north Texas—IRVING, TX is based on IRVINE, CA! That was so cool. I mean I had just told David how it reminded me of that area. So I have found a place in LA I like. Well, not LA but OC. If I had to stay here I could handle Irvine. What I find very annoying about myself is that I have grown so blasted accustomed to the suburbs. I guess I am the anti-yuppie yuppie. But LA? Yikes! Brain Freeze.

I was able to share the truth with David. He said “I am going to be more probing tonight, okay?” I told him after 15 years he earned the right to be probing. So he asked me the heart of some of it and what had changed since I got here. I told him the truth, and he understood and saw what a big difference that was and why it was so hard. I think that helped. I have not really told anyone that much details—and everyone doesn’t need to know—but it was good.

Well, with this I need to get to bed so I can be conscious at this Bible study or whatever it is, discussion or fellowship or whatever I have to go to! Why do we meet at 9 on the only day off? But what is most interesting is that I willingly got up between 6 and 7 every Saturday morning for Shachah… you do exactly what you want to do.

A flaky friend of mine many years ago was the one who said that to me. You do what you want to do. She was completely unreliable in our relationship. But her words stuck. In her case it sent a negative message, but it is true. I will be there in the morning because despite practically being ordered to go, I want to—just as I rose each Saturday for Shachah, rain or shine, sometimes on 4 or 5 hours of sleep, and poured my body into two pairs of tights even on hot days.

When all is said and done, we do exactly what we want to.