I just wrote David a letter and decided to paste most of it in here:

Well, first I do not have the OFFICIAL word yet because I went to the leasing office and an assistant was there. But he told me what is TYPICAL for the boss to do and then gave me the boss' voice mail so he will call Monday with an official word. BUT what the guy said is USUALLY he asks you to pay for two more month’s rent and then they just let you out of it. WOW! I am thrilled if that is what they tell me too because that is how long I would pay naturally--Nov. and Dec. So MAYBE that would not even affect my deposit????

What I decided is that I am moving ANYWAY. Even IF I don't go back to TX at midterm, I am going to move into a hotel with a monthly rate for the rest of the time. For example, one in Glendale that is fine is $890 a month--that is less than my rent and takes care of utilities too.

So honestly it looks as if the only thing determining time is a job. Of course that is sort of a BIG thing! No word back from Texas yet where I wrote. The woman I wrote is out of the office til Monday. And then I wrote another person in a district about 80 miles from Tyler.

Anyway, Monday is the day.. I expect to hear many things and Tuesday I have my evaluation meeting with my boss. I can predict some of her first words "How is it going, Darling?" And then the facade will fall. Very nicely, very politely, I will say "not very well, I am afraid." And it will all change in that instant that I give the wrong answer.

We all think 1984 was a bit farfetched when Winston Smith is instructed that "2+2=5." We would never believe that or fall for it, we think, but sometimes we see it play out all too real. When my boss asks me how it is going I am supposed to say "great, thank you. FIVE." But when I say "not very well, I am afraid," It is like saying FOUR when everyone else says FIVE. Still truth is all that matters. The whole reason my two month depression broke was truth. It is always truth.

Before I walked into the landlord's office I prayed one more time. I thought and a picture came to my head pf Pastor Jerry in Texas and what he said about how we just need to pray for God to give me favor for this to work out. And it was easier to believe--sometimes you just need someone believing IN you. I feel so much safer now that I know he and Martha are behind me. It is, perhaps, the first real security, I have felt since moving. I have felt love from people and support from many, but there is s a level of security you feel when you are safe and protected—covered—and that is how I feel now.