I found my mini market.

No joke, guys, I thought I lost an entire store! When I first moved in I accidentally stumbled across a mini market near Trader Joe’s because I lost my way going to TJ’s. Well, a few weeks ago I lost the mini market. I like it because it is the ONLY place I have found with 44 oz. foam cup SELF SERVE Diet Cokes. But I lost it. I drove to TJ’s a couple weeks ago and drove around the whole neighborhood.

HOW DO YOU LOSE A MINI MARKET? I kept asking my depleted brain. And then today I was determined. I wanted a good old fashioned self serve Diet Coke. (Besides if the grocery store workers go on strike I have to find alternate Diet Cokes, and they are talking now about doing it.) I recalled it was near a Gold Line station because a rude sign proclaims that people who park there for the train will be towed. And ta da! I drove around the corners by the Gold Line areas near Arroyo Parkway and found it—it is buried off Del Mar and Arroyo—and they still have 44 oz. self serve Diet Cokes—in foam cups of course!

I talked to Tara today. One more person who still loves me. Whew! The only real concern I have is that all these people almost seem to be humoring me( I mean that in a nice way, like they are trying to be kind and helpful)—telling me it is okay with the idea that in the back of their mind I will come around. But I feel this in my heart and I don’t think I AM coming around. I will say this: I am reserving judgment entirely until after I talk with Pastor Jerry next week. I am looking so forward to this and yet I wonder what I will say. As much as I admire him I always struggle to say more than two words to him! And now I am going to pour out the unfettered truth. YIKES! But this is a knowing-the-heart also. I have to. He has absolutely no stake in what I am going to say and all the wisdom of God—therefore I can’t lose.

I am waiting to hear back from Shachah, hoping all the classes will be in place for next week I want my dancing picked on and picked apart. I want to ache from the strain and live on my toes again. I want the discipline and admonitions and life that comes from the unity and structure of it all.

I do think I am dancing better than when I left—I am glad for that. I think that because I am still taking a class but I am also dancing more in my life, although without structure. So I hope I am using what I learn. No one around me at church knows if I am doing things right or not so I am freer, even though it is not the same.

Cindy is still talking about my teaching kids to dance. Truly I think I’m going to go nuts if I don’t teach somebody. It is not enough anymore to just dance—and that is one reason I think I am focusing more on learning more. I want to take another tough class like this but not only is it expensive BUT the only other one at this ballet studio meets Wednesday nights. A certain dilemma and I have to commit to church first—so I don’t know. But I am working now with the Pointe stuff to try and learn. If I can learn wobbly Pointe work to can only improve me in the other ways.

OW !My toes hurt! (-: I am using a video that is teaching me the right way and now I know why toes hurt. It is my LITTLE toes that really are sore—and my ankles are fine I am learning to spring up onto a Pointe—that aches. Isn’t that cool.

Watching the Yankee game and headed to the shopping center down the street after that. I think there might be a place to get my hair cut but if it costs too much will do it myself. But driving is too much stress, so I would rather walk.

Guess that means I have to take off the Pointe shoes so I can go out into the real world.