I am fixing to disappoint everyone who loves me. I hate that, but I also can’t help it because it is my life, not theirs.

My weekend away helped in some ways; unfortunately, it helped the most by making me homesick. I used to think people who moved to CA from TX were weird Back when I used to live here they acted weird about Texas. One lady asked someone to bring her DIRT from a TX trip. Now I get it. I want to go home. I want to travel and stuff from there, but I want to go home. I want to teach what I love: Journalism. I really had no idea. At the time it was a way to get to Tyler to the church, but it is what I love. I want to teach high school journalism. Dag gummit, that is not going to happen here because there IS not journalism certification in the state of California. Anyway, that is enough of that for now because I can imagine the upcoming lectures. And honestly there is ONE person I want to hear from, and that is GOD.

Do I sound tough? I think I have to because I am preparing to be tough to endure the walk.

In other news, I have decided to NOT be a member of the church. I went through the little membership thing but they have not officially “received” us—formality anyway and I am not much into formality! But I am going to ask Darrell to remove me from that for the time being. It won’t be any big deal.

I am going to write Terry a letter tonight and tell her what is going on just because I feel she should know.

Aunty Magrate called yesterday morning. She just wanted to say hello I guess—I never connected with her but I did speak with Pastor. Then Meli called from USC to say hi and expressed excitement I am going to the wedding. Pastor gave me their blessing to use Shachah’s name in my own teaching—of course, fat chance, that would involve me teaching! HA! But it is nice that they trust me as one of theirs. I think instead of church on Wednesday nights sometimes I will drive to Ventura on Monday nights to be with the team there. I think my future is with Shachah more than I thought, and I want to invest in things that will nurture and develop that. I am amazed to see how that has expanded in some ways even though I am not there in it.

I talked to Miss Butler from Buena Park yesterday for so many (free weekend) hours that my cell phone died on us right when I was looking at ballerina stuff in the mall. It was so nice to have a long deep conversation with a Christian friend. I don’t have many of those anymore.

I went to Downtown Disney and the Knott’s Marketplace. Both are like outside malls of their respective theme parks. I hardly saw the point of spending lots of money on admission. Who would I ride rides with? Pointless.

Now I know why this blog has not ended… I think I am seeing when the road trip will be over. But I bet I will lose some friends in the process.

So this weekend I drove to Orange County, saw Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm and today on my way back when to the ocean and walked around. The weather was prefect and the world was at my feet—but sometimes having everything means nothing. I do love the weather here, but it is about more than weather.

Gosh this will disappoint people, but as a person who hates lies, I cannot tell one: I just don’t like living in California.

On the topic of some things I thought about this weekend, I have made a decision that may sound odd: I have decided to talk to my old pastor in Texas over Christmas about what I am thinking about. I respect him so much that I think that will be good. I wish I could do it at Thanksgiving, but he won’t be working that day I am there.

So here I am, home again—or apartmented again, as this will never be home, I have finally realized.

I have two friends who have recently moved away to attend college. One is Meli, of course, Aunty’s daughter, who serves the Lord with all her heart and came here to school—and the other is her opposite, a person not even serving God in the slightest. Both are inordinately happy in their moves. When you do something right you have a feeling it is right. When I moved from LA to TX I was a wretched mess for many months, but I never ONCE wanted to go back to LA. Not one time.

This is telling.