Being here has served as a catalyst to stripping me of virtually all the self confidence I had. I feel like a useless piece of person alone in a city.

Meanwhile the fridge guy said my fridge was fine because it happened to run while he was here. Now it is out again and I spent $50 on food today.

The thing I regret more than anything at all in my life right now is going to California on spring break.

I love Jesus. I really do. There is NOTHING I want more than to live in perfect communion with Him, to serve Him, to be His companion. Every breathe of that dance is my life.

Anything that deters me should not be in my life. I don’t care about earthquakes and traffic jams. Those are trivial. But I care about the things that matter to the heart and those are not. I have not had so many ups and downs in years. That is not like me and I am sick of it. So if I have to live an alone life, so be it. I guess I blew it, but it ain’t worth losing God over.

I bought Dr Hayes a HUGE dark chocolate bar today. It works better than a job application.