Well, I can barely walk but the dance achieved its purpose. Alas! In practice this morning, my very first official Sunday, I was rehearsing and SNAP-WENT-THE -TENDON. The fact is, I was not sure I was going to be able to dance. That is how BAD it hurt. I could NOT leap. Not one blooming bit. So I sat down, the music stopped—I was embarrassed and thought Pastor Dan would think I was a dork. When people can’t see pain or see you do anything, I think it seems harder to believe it could be that bad. But let me tell you I was in AGONY. I started to cry but I knew there were more important things to do and I could not let myself lose it. I saw Terry, and she prayed with me, and I called Robin and left a message telling her to pray because I knew she would be home from church before I danced—if I danced But I knew I had to. There were God reasons. And you know what? This tendon hurt when I did it last month—went away the very night I danced and did not hurt ONCE til this morning. Hello! So I walked on it a lot and prayed and prayed and prayed. I wanted to give up, but I knew I couldn’t. I tried to think of something I could do in place of the leaps, but those leaps were straight from God’s choreographing hands, and I had to have them. So I went to Sunday School for all of 30 minutes—sore but a bit better. I took it easy in worship and kept it warmed up. In Sunday School, I realized I was having to exercise some serious faith because there was a likely chance, in the natural, that when I went to leap I would fall hard in front of everyone. I had to trust God. When I was trying to leap I could not even do it, but later I was able to do some low leaps before so I felt I could get through it So after worship I exited to change.

I waited outside the side doors. This church is not used to formal dance yet and if I had walked in in that costume everyone would have stared. Darrell introduced it by going back to 1989 when they first came and how they met me. “Susan had issues,” he said. “She was always wearing black—and she was struggling with always being depressed or despairing…” He went on to say how I had come to visit them and was serving the Lord more than ever and how God had drawn me back here and provided miraculously for my job, apartment etc. Then he said I was coming to “minister, not perform.” I liked that. And I walked up on that stage—they cleared almost the whole stage while he was talking and that was a lot of stuff. They said they wanted to be able to see me.

And you know what? I was not even nervous. After five months I just remembered the story—what God had done. As I was dancing I kept saying to myself, “This is it. I am finally doing this dance at this church and Terry is right there. She gave me the song and introduced me to this whole thing.” This song is why I know Jesus as my Bridegroom. And there I was dancing it. What was to be nervous about—I was in my element. I looked up, smiled and worshipped. And I could feel it was going well. When I got to the leaps I could not believe I had any height at all, but I did. They were weaker, so were some other moves, but only a ballerina would know. When it stopped I knew it had gone over well. I could tell by the reaction—but I always want to know something is anointed. But later Terry said “He was all over you.” That is what I wanted. Others said it ministered to them, and one man said what I have thought—that it is almost personal to watch such an intimate dance, and yet it expresses a heart so well. Terry kept saying “thank you.” But I told her I was honored to do it.

I changed afterwards and slipped back into church. When we stood up later I was in so much pain I could not stand long. I can barely walk with a limp. Coming in the door a bit ago I tripped on the carpet and flared it up more. I am in TERRIBLE pain—which makes it all the more great that I danced it—it was God. I don’t think could ever handle such an intense dance an hour or two after such a painful snap. So this one is going to be healed just like the other one. Period. But thank God He was faithful as always today. Truly, even though I was discouraged, I kept thinking, this is God—look at what He has done—and this dance was Him—He is going to come through. It was a bit of a struggle, but I knew in my heart. And besides that, the reason the enemy attacked is the same reason He was faithful—that dance needed to be right and achieve its worship goal—not for me but for the church-this was their introduction to this for most of them. When we do this worship seminar, if the leader had fallen like an idiot who would want to join me? And this church is going to grow though this too. It was a no-brainer—but it still hurt BAD. People reading this, please pray for a completed healing of my left tendon on my leg—I think it is the Achilles tendon, but I could be wrong! And that the right now remains strong. Truly amazing. I have been running nature trails, climbing rocks, dancing and moving furniture but one rehearsal snaps it? I think not!

Afterwards I went to Darrell and Terry’s for DJ’s 18th birthday party. I got to know a lot more people. A 19-year-old girl came up to me and shook my hand and told, me how moved she was by the dance because her church in San Jose had dance and she had wanted it. She said her face dropped when I came out—that she had been longing for it. Terry heard her talking to me and was beaming because Terry is in full support of a full on dance ministry and today I talked to Pastor Dan and told him I would even like to start by Christmas and he was totally open—we are going to meet later and talk specifics. But this girl was such an encouragement to me. I was trying to be careful about what to tell her since none of it was official but Terry said to tell her our plans, so I told her about how it looked like we were starting a dance group here. Terry told her more in detail about the worship seminar, etc. She was so excited and so serious—has a background in tap, jazz and some other dancing too. She said how she would “love to work with” me. Hello—I would love to work with people like that! I was really excited. Although this has been talked about from the start, it seems like it is going to take off quickly. Terry has not deviated in any of it even once—the rest of leadership seems solidly in support. And I am studying and preparing things. They wanted to give me time to settle in. I told Terry if she asked me to show up the next night and teach a dance class I would be there and ready to go. I don’t need time to settle in this regard! I’ve waited years.

Of course this is part of my problem of why my home is still a mess. I am never here. I have been out every single day with people. Tomorrow I am determined to work on this apartment. Terry is coming over Thursday and I am excited to share things with her from the last month or more. We are going to hang out and talk and then go to Old Town and have dinner at a cool Italian place Lisa pointed out to me. I live in such a great place. Every time I turn down the street off the freeway I am AMAZED that THIS is my neighborhood. I also have plans at least one, if not two days, with Jenna, and I have yet to see Erica! That doesn’t include any house time, cleaning time, logistics time (car insurance, shopping etc) or calling Robin time!

It was good to be in my church. I belong here God brought me here—dance is a part but there is more. But I am at home. This morning as the worship team gathered to pray, I joined them and I prayed aloud. I couldn’t not pray. This is my element and these are my people. It is weird because Texas is home and Tyler Metro is my church, but that is because I grew up spiritually in the nine years I lived in Texas. But as I scurried across the freeways again tonight—after a day of it—the 134 to the 170 to the church—the 170 to the 134 to home—the 134 to the 2 to the 210 to Terry’s and the 5 to the 134 to home tonight—whizzing in and out like an expert—wishing to shed my Texas plates so I can not be looked at like a tourist anymore, as I did that I realized:

I am a California girl after all.