Today I rejected California banks.

I am so disgusted. I signed on with Bank of America in order to have a “national” account. HA! First my account is still in Texas even if it is B of A and then I found out that “free” checking meant as long as I do not need to make a deposit with an ATM or speak to a teller more than three times. Hello! How free is THAT? I learned this through a phone call, and then it was later confirmed through many ads throughout the Southland from Washington Mutual Bank which has REAL free checking. But it seems that means if you are lucky enough to be seen by the people who work there. I had to sign in and wait forever, and no one even acknowledged I was there. Two people in new accounts were working on one man. And suddenly I thought, what am I DOING? I have a great bank with REAL free checking. I use Direct Deposit and rarely make outside deposits anyway. You can get cash back at grocery stores with no ATM fees. And so right there in the bank with Jenna, I decided to stay with my Texas bank. I am signing up my salary to be DD into that bank, as well as any bank drafts. I felt so good making that decision. That is the good side of a global world. I hate being manipulated by mega institutions and that is what happened so I am not giving in. That helped me, believe it or not. Of course I will write both banks telling them why a TEXAS bank gets my money. I will also pull my retirement cash out of B of A and into something better.

I had a washing machine crisis today—the part Whirlpool said I needed was only ONE part and so in the midst of money chaos, I have to go spend another $80 in the morning. UGH! I found someone here in town so I could avoid having Whirlpool shipping it. Why can’t people get answers straight the first time? I am too old fashioned for my own good sometimes, but I expect when you pay someone to know something they will know it right. No excuses.

Then I went to get my mail at Terry’s and I stopped in to say hello. That was so nice. I needed that—even that brief visit with a Christian friend was such a respite from the chaos of life these days. I definitely need more of that.

Then I had dinner with ANOTHER old friend I have not seen in years. It is amazing that all my old friends are still here and we are still friends. She is a neat person—not a believer but she told me tonight that when I talked about God and church she could understand it because I taught her to understand that stuff years ago and she can have a respect for God and church now. YIKES! “I did that,” I asked. “You.” She said, “you did that.” (Proof that God uses the foolish things because what a loser I was back then.) She tells me now she is starting to believe in God and is in an “exploratory” stage. Cool! That was so encouraging. And there I was in the parking lot of Sizzler preaching up a storm! “Jesus is the answer,” I told her. “That is the answer to everything. There is one true God and Jesus is His son.” And went on about what has changed in me and how it is not church but a relationship with Jesus that can turn everything around. And she listened. Wow! She has a master’s in a science field and she says the more she studies her science the more she sees there must be a God; meanwhile, another good friend says the more she looks at science the more she struggles to believe in God. I found that a very interesting contrast.

I think that was the most encouraging thing of all to me. The last thing I wanted to do was come back her and ferment in Christianland. The whole vision of the church is to take the Lord to the community. If I can’t take Him to my old friends, how pathetic is that! So I was so encouraged. I am also bolder. Terry was right, and I have learned so much in that area. More on that topic later.

After our three hour talk-talk, I drove Foothill Blvd. as far as it goes. I found out I could get o Pasadena on it! Then I drove more. I was feeling so good finally after all the junk and want to drive and relax and be at peace. I ended up in Los Angeles! Seriously I went from Pasadena to South Pasadena to Alhambra. I was not sure how that happened. But then the next thing I knew I was in a horrific neighborhood—which was no big deal and almost kind of funny. I always do this kind of thing. I get lost in one sense but I never feel lost because I always know I can get out. I can find my way out of anywhere. Years ago that was a great spiritual analogy to me also. I learned that it was that same confidence I need to have with God—that even of the path is unclear, I should have the same confidence it will lead me home in the spiritual sense as I do the physical.

Anyway, the next thing I knew I saw signs for Interstate 5! That meant I was a bit more out there than I thought, and voila!, there were the buildings of downtown LA! So I got on the 5. Never a question around here you will eventually run into a freeway and one will lead to another til you are home. The 5 led to the 2 and the 2 to the 134 which heads into Pasadena. I LOVE the 2. It is so high up and you see mountains and valleys all at once (just like driving down the Blue Mountains of PA—only that is even prettier). Anyway, I found my way home, of course.

It is getting better. I have an attitude that may or may not be good but it is helping me. It is the attitude that spiritually I am alone here, on my own with no direct people support from here or there. That is not entirely true—and is not to exclude corporate things like having an awesome church—that is not what I mean at ALL. As I separate I get stronger. If I except noting I hurt less if I get it. If it is me and God then that is fine. He obviously has a purpose for me just with my friends if nothing else—and I know there is more. I know they can see something different. So here I am.

I won’t say I don’t miss Texas. It killed me tonight not to be at the ladies’ meeting—but with the recent emotion, that helped me not be as upset as I might have had everything been totally okay. But I have had dreams the last two nights about home and close friends—with some truth I think. And these are dreams that bother me. So I have to separate from them.

Tomorrow I was going to go to Hollywood to a dance class but I am not sure I can get back in time to pick up my washer part, and I told him I would be there. I can’t go to church Sunday morning because I have to pick up the Shachah people from the airport. But I decided I can go to a Saturday night service tomorrow in the Valley. It is not my church but it will help. I expect to make a final dance decision in the next couple days and enroll Monday or Tuesday in the class (or classes) I choose.

Terry and I were talking about the worship seminar in September and ideas. THAT excites me and I can’t wait to do that. That is me and what I am about—when I dance there is only joy. It floods me from the first moment—more and more these days. So perhaps I am to be alone and people-less in the close Christian sense, but I will dance through it and love it. I can’t wait to teach it at the church and be able to share the principles and things that have burned in me for years. I think God is going to do amazing stuff. I have learn done thing well enough to teach it—a simple Shachah dance—almost dance actually. I also want to do something of my own to share and teach so I am listening to music and thinking and praying.

The last time I did “Dance with Me” I had an utterly miserable were unlike any other in recent memory and this time as well. I always cover myself spiritually before I dance and pray and prepare. I take it incredibly seriously, but I have not thought to when it was over. Robin mentioned that and it may be. The two worst weeks I have had I the last few months were the weeks immediately following doing this dance God gave me. Hmmmm…..

So tomorrow is almost like my last day of freedom. Sunday and Monday I am a willing servant to the Yaps, Tuesday through Thursday I attend a work conference. Friday I am off but having a day off here and there is hardly like being free. I have to go to the DMV. It seems my car registration might be a little less, but word is cracked windshields are illegal—if they won’t register it with a crack I am in HUGE AND DEEP trouble because there is absolute zero way I can afford to fix it now and without the CA registration I will lose my insurance… in other words a Catch-22 so it HAS to be registered next week or I am in a rotten, inescapable situation. Pray people! This is a Christian blog. PRAY!!!!!!!

One final (and very random) note: FREEWAYS AMAZE ME. Los Angeles has, most agree, the best freeway system there is. It is too crowded, of course, but the roads themselves are excellent. As I mentioned earlier if you get on one, you can get to any other one easily. I am amazed at the merges and splits and how the lane you are in suddenly becomes a lane to a new freeway but the old freeway somehow still retains the lane you just left with. Then you follow a few signs and you can cross over great distances in minutes. It is almost like flying at a driving speed. Am I the only person in awe of the freeways? I think it is amazing. Who ever knew how to make them so right? What minds could design such enormous and complicated things to be so logical? If you look at an LA freeway map you see the incredible unity of the system. And every time I am on them I am utterly amazed at what one car on one freeway can do in a matter of minutes.