Today I became officially Californian. I now have CA license plates on my car and a CA driver’s license. The test was actually a bit challenging—well, to someone from Texas who has never had to speculate about when it is legal to drive through a place where trolley cars stop. I did get the question about which roadway ices first. Yup. Texan at heart—good old bridges and overpasses icing up—first thing they tell you every year down yonder on the news when the annual ice storm hits. So I passed the test anyway—actually I did well. And then a lady stamped two holes in my Texas driver’s license, rendering it invalid. Of course she doesn’t know I have TWO Texas licenses. So I am legal to bank in Texas and drive in Texas. Doesn’t that make me half Texan?

Is this entry seeming more normal? Perhaps I am adjusting to the lack of vision. Perhaps I see in the dark now that my eyes have adjusted to midnight.

Still no answerers. Nothing has changed. Tears still fall.

Today my friends called. Tara got my fax and called. She surprised me by how compassionate she was (not that she has NOT been compassionate but I usually don’t go to her with problems). She encouraged me and prayed for me. I really think that helped. Robin called tonight. There is still no one I want to talk to more even though we disagree. She is being spiritually tough on me. She has to be, I know, but it is hard too. It is killing me to not know when I might talk to her again. I SOBBED when we hung up. I can’t stand it. I really can’t. David called too. We are having dinner at the end of my first week of teaching. That will be nice.

Miss Butler tried to call but got a busy signal—imagine that. So I have friends. I know I have friends. But the call that would help did not come. Will not come.

My check did not come either. The TRS doesn’t have it. I don’t have it. No one knows—but in 8 days I have $1500 of bills due and I currently possess about $400. THAT is scary.

Robin has faith, I wish I had her faith. I wish I could sit at her feet and learn and watch I would actually rather watch her go through the hard times. I admire her so much. I wish I could just watch. I don’t learn from hearing; I learn from seeing. She is amazing. I don’t tell her that enough—and she wouldn’t let me anyway.

I couldn’t really hear her tonight—she knew that. I mostly needed to hear her voice.

I need hugs—I need affection. Nothing else is doing it right now. That is one thing I am seriously lacking here. That doesn’t seem likely to change.

The floor under my couch is a montage of assorted paperwork. It is crazy how much I have had to do in these weeks, but the bulk is done. I even have a voter’s registration form, and now that I have a driver’s license number I can mail that back tomorrow. In CA you can be a permanent absentee voter, but I won’t. I want to GO to the polling place and have the honor of voting. I wish I could elect Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore as our new governor. He is my hero right now. (If you don’t know what I am talking about go to CNN.com and do a search on this man of God.)

My vitamins came in the mail today. My brain was thankful. No one sells them around here. I did find my hair gel in the shopping center a block away for $4 less per bottle—so I supersized it. I did not want to switch gel or vitamins. So now I mail order vitamins.

The inside of my refrigerator looks like Baja Fresh collided with Panda Express. I live on take out. As soon as school starts it will be vastly different. Tonight I went to Trader Joe’s and got a lowfat salad and a chicken, artichoke and something else Californian pizza.

I am going to work on my room in a bit. It is still not together. It is not yet home.

The saddest part of all this stuff is that I could really like it here. The traffic is better than Tyler. My apartment is great. It is so quiet and nice. I love my neighborhood and my city is beautiful. I think I will like my job. I drive very Californian already! (However I have NOT adjusted to the gas prices—currently $2.17 on average). I could have been happy here.

What happened?