It is 11 p.m. and I just got in a bit ago. Every muscle hurts and I might as well have been dancing. I wasn’t, of course, but I was with my dance friends. My check finally came, and once I let the relief settle, I headed down to Santa Monica—less than 25 miles away, but a whole other world. I met up with Pastor, Aunty and Meli at the pier area and we basically lounged around the beach all day. We would walk and then sit—back and forth for hours. Finally Pastor and Aunty needed naps (Aunty says that is because she is 50!). Meli and I walked forever. We took the long way up the pier, walking along the coastline. Then we went to the 3rd Street Promenade and walked all over the place.

We lingered forever in a 3-story Barnes and Noble where I bought a book from an old (and tacky) teenage series I used to read years ago. Being there made me happy. I saw row upon row of young adult and middle reader novels, many of which are not to be found in most bookstores. I was delighted to see some old favorites back in print. Honestly it was probably my first real smile all week long. It was utter bliss to see the myriad of wonderful books. Today’s books for young readers, by and large, for lack of a better term, suck. No joke. It is dribble, with the exception of the Newberry titles and the occasional Lowry or Voight offering. But B&N had so many books that I just beamed and read titles like a kid in a candy store. It was so wonderful. I only bought the one mindless one for fun; I own most of the titles that made me smile so much. But so few bookstores carry them that a modern generation has not fallen in love with Dicey and Anastasia. It is sad. I am thankful that this bookstore—and others, I am sure—still promote literacy. Few bookstores do anymore.

Anyway, then we walked to Santa Monica Place for dinner and finally back to the hotel where Pastor and Aunty were. We arrived more exhausted than we are after dance conferences! Aunty met us and we went to the room awhile, and then they drove me to the pier so I could get to my car. Now, I am sitting in my computer chair, feet propped up on the sofa and they still hurt. Of course that means that dinner will not settle on my hips after all the exercise!

So things were a bit more normal today. I have committed to spend some real time with the Lord tomorrow. I have settled some and need to have a real heart to heart. I need to be with God. That is my way. When something is deeply consuming me, I must go inside myself and be with God only until it is settled. I can’t be “in public” when the private areas are so raw. That is just how I am—and I don’t necessarily think it is bad. What is bad is that people often MISINTERPRET that and think bad stuff. But that is their problem, I guess. My job is to work out what is inside me with God. End of story.

I think I would have gone loony had that check not come today. That took care of the exterior stuff. The real stuff still sits like a hard bagel in an empty stomach (perhaps I should take writing lessons from some of the aforementioned authors!). Anyway, I was glad to be away all day. Tomorrow after my time with God I have to get my house in order. It is really the last day I will be home before school starts because I will be so busy. I am also determined to do REAL grocery shopping in the afternoon.

I am looking again at a career I want. Yes, there is one thing I would quit teaching for in a New York second: dance therapy. There is now a Christian university that offers an alternate certification route through the international association that can qualify you to become a certified dance therapist, but it is in Calgary in summer (good time at least), so it can’t happen yet. There is nothing I believe in stronger than the power of dance, coupled with the power of God, to change people forever. I would not hesitate to quit teaching for that career. I would impact so many more people. Someday I think I will do it.

Maybe then my dance won’t be wasted.

Maybe when I have an internationally recognized certification people will believe in me.