The Charismatic church, for all its wonderful qualities and freedom of the Spirit, is sometimes the rudest most disrespectful place toward God in the world. I know heathens who would behave better in church than many of the Spirit filled Christians I encountered tonight.

I was at a conference at a large church here in town and it was like so many other Charismatic churches I have been in. Worship starts. You know, WORSHIP—the time when we lift up Jesus and the presence of the living God fills the place and a holy reverence is supposed to fall… that worship, you know? Well, of course people are trailing in. Okay, it happens. But would you dare walk in late for a business meeting or appointment and talk the whole time so the people around you are distracted? I am serious. I have a friend who doesn’t believe in God and when she comes to church she sits in respect and doesn’t do things like yap all morning or file her nails. Tonight the group around me made me so mad I almost asked them to be quiet so I could worship. Now I know why half the church walked to the front and remained there during the worship time. It was probably very anointed, but I could not ever tell from all the talking—at full volume (yes, there is music on, so we better raise our voices). Then they would pause and someone would raise their hands and sing for a second like they had been in the presence of God all along—and then the next one would yak. That is probably the only thing I truly dislike about my church affiliations—most Spirit filled churches have a large contingency of people who show absolutely no respect or awe of God yet claim to be serious and devout believers. These people were all between 45-55 years old and obviously were regulars and believers. Complacency is annoying. I guess that is your business if you want to saunter in late and do what you want—that is between you and God. But you know what? Don’t you DARE distract the people who are there to worship. I understand that we all slip here and there and need to say something. I am not Miss Innocent myself. But for 45 minutes solid? I was so disgusted. I sat there composing my blog to stay calm. The only reason I did not move is because it would have made a scene in itself and been very obvious. Apparently the speaker deserved more respect than God because when he got up they all shut up for the most part. I am sitting farther back on an aisle tomorrow—and I will spend worship in the front.

One reason I will do that is because there was a lot of freedom in worship and people dancing—some had flags and glory hoops. It was cool. So I will be prepared tomorrow. Tonight was my first time there and I wanted to take it all in.

With the exception of the rude people, I enjoyed it thoroughly. I was in a healing room training and it was very powerful without emotion (which I like). It was not some Holy Hallelujahfest but the sound Word of God penetrating the place. It was truly awesome. Adding to that is that I believed every word this man said. I have believed it for years but there is so much interference—from the church. We all go through that. Isn’t our biggest area of questioning form within the church and not the world sometimes? Man did it build up my faith. I needed to know some of the almost dogmatic thoughts I have about God are founded in the Word and not ridiculous. It is the funniest thing because I have never felt a great anointing when it comes to ministering to the sick, and yet there is a deeply rooted faith in me in that area, so I don’t know what it all means. Maybe it mean is desire TRUE ministry to the sick, not the rote prayers, but the seriously mountain moving prayers of faith—that is what I want. It is what I have always wanted.

I wandered the church bookstore beforehand. I knew by who the pastors were that there was an affiliation with the House of Prayer I have been to in Kansas City, but I guess being there helped me take in how much. I was really amazed. God took me this far and led me to a place so much like what I wanted.

I really feel I am supposed to have some involvement with this place. I have a home church and committed to it primarily, but there is so much this place has that does not conflict with my church and is my heart that is not currently available at my church. I suspect I will be able to get involved the in the prayer ministry which I am hungering for. I will talk to some people this weekend and see what they have, but they have a lot in that area and a whole prayer room. The is just a lot. I don’t know what or how or anything, but I think it might be part of why I am in Pasadena. I mean, WHY Pasadena? Work is in Glendale, church in North Hollywood, but I drive into Pasadena (out of the way of BOTH those cities) and instantly KNOW I am at home and God is placing me here. Yet I don’t know a soul. It is starting to fit. In some ways I feel a bit torn—the religious person in me says you should only go to one church. But the CHRISTIAN in me says while you COMMIT to one place and make it priority when God has led you, there is nothing wrong with fellowshipping with Christians outside your four church walls. Honestly! I have always been this way. I love it. I feel so blessed that I have been places and experienced so many things and that is because I do not plant myself and say “I shall not be moved.” So I will step out and into this place as much as God will have me involved. It is exciting because I will get so much training and stuff with their House of Prayer affiliation. That is what I want more of. WOW! I truly was amazed walking through that bookstore. It is like the House of Prayer bookstore with all the Forerunner and warring bride teachings and Bickle books as well as all the music and everything. YAY!!!!!!!!

Well, my index finger is swollen purple and my third finger looks like a giant TB bump that wouldn’t go down. Alas! In my hurry to shut my car door, my fingers went along for a painful ride. My index finger is at least 50 percent larger than its normal size. Ow!

The made the start time of tomorrow’s opening session earlier. Bah humbug! Don’t they know I am SLEEPY!? Maybe those other people will be sleepy too and SHUT UP! People at the church seem friendly, though, and I liked it. So I am excited. I was thinking of skipping the a.m. session so I could have real rest, but we will see.

I will have a class full of kids Wednesday, and my classroom, while clean, is barren of posters or decorations. Rae, the dept. head, gave me bunches of posters to hang. I really like her. I am so thankful for that. I am READY for kids. I miss having kids in my life. I love teaching and love kids and can’t wait to have a new bunch and maybe make them “my kids” again. However, I really don’t think there will ever be a group as special as last year’s Lee kids. I don’t miss some of my friends as much as I miss them.

As you can tell, I am basically back to normal. There are still some things inside me but I have enough answers to operate in truth and that is all I need. It is about truth, not people and issues. So I know what I have to do to deal with some issues, but I can live in truth and that is what matters.

I want to say a lot more, do a lot more, write emails and call people, but I don’t have time now that I have this seminar. I am going to try to do some in a break Saturday when the cell phone is free.

Meanwhile, I will soak it up, holding on to my Interminable Hope that maybe someday someone will want what God has placed in me.