July 14, 2003

I probably should not criticize the INS in a public blog, but I must say I did not shell out hundreds of dollars to an agency that cannot manage to get my file to my appointment, thereby necessitating that I come back I am too tired detail it. In fact, my REAL file is gone forever—it is in the morgue in San Francisco due to the fact that there has been no activity on it since I entered the US at the age of 5. That means that because I am an upstanding resident of the States, they have not needed my file, so even though INS has requested it three times, SF won’t release it. Okay, fine, the supervisor says they can do it off my application and documents. But alas! That was left in the Mesquite office and I was oh-so-far away in Dallas. But did they send anyone to get it and do what they told me they would do today? No, too much effort, I guess; instead I must take two more days out of my schedule—I am not trying to move across the country or anything right now—to come back and be interviewed and then come be sworn in—and I may or may not make it by when I move. If I don’t, yes, the delay will be great by transferring it to the LA office. They informed me it is not nearly as smooth and not-busy as the Dallas office. (Gasp!) So as far as that, I accomplished nothing today and we all know how that makes me feel. NOTHING can drive me crazier than feeling as if I have wasted time. I was livid. The supervisor says he will call me by tomorrow and get me back up. More hours, more gas; I am frustrated.

I did have a wonderful visit with Karen in Lorena, near Waco, though. That made the day nice. I want to go back and see her before I move. But because of knowing I had to come back to Dallas I hesitated to stay overnight because then I would be gone most of Tuesday, so I drove home and arrived before midnight—my eyes are stinging I am so tried—but I have so much to do.

The good news besides my nice visit with Karen, is that I also had a nice time with the Lord today. It actually was not that much but I heard more and seem to be really growing more in some areas. I told Him when I came back from LA the last time that He had only six weeks to do a major work—like He didn’t know that!—and I realized today, He really seems to be doing it. I am getting very equipped. It is sinking in.

Karen liked the video of my dance a lot—she cried, of course. As I watch it I see every mistake—and that just glorifies God more—if it affected people as much as it seemed to and I know it was not that perfect then I know it was the anointing. It marvels me to see that, but it delights me too.

Kay’s words to me after church Sunday night sink in deeper and deeper—affecting me very powerfully.

“The Lord says you have a dance of redemption because you know what it is to be redeemed,” she said. That was more than her; it was God. And it got me as tears started spilling out in the frozen food section of Albertson’s after church. The vision is growing and the path seems even clearer. Yes, I do…I know what it means (there was redemption even in that conversation—and I am starting to see that I might be able to really use this. There is more than I dance inside me, but a message too. Somebody needs it. I know there are words in me for people—passion and hope—true ministry. The dance just illustrates the message.

Bed.