Another exciting, exhausting day in church in North Hollywood. I am fried, but better than I was 24 hours ago. I woke up kind of funky. The more I am in this Valley, the less I like it. It is just ugly and depressing. But then I get to the church and it is a different world. The Spirit of God hovers in that green sanctuary. My funk vanished in the presence of God. I was not totally “on.” I did not feel very confident playing my tambourine this morning, nor waving my flags. I did not dance a whole lot, but moved some as I felt it. Much of worship was just me processing it all.

During our greeting time a man came up to me and shook my hand, telling me how much he had enjoyed my dancing and watching me dance. I was sincerely thankful because I felt like a big clod today, but I guessed that God was still with me. Later I learned who he was. This guy is the one who works sometimes with choreographing hip hop dances for the youth. He is a professional dancer and choreographer who works with DC Talk and other groups. It was neat. And it was encouraging—sort of like the teacher last week in New York who liked my tendus.

Later there was the church annual meeting and so I decided to sit out in the lobby and talk to the woman in the church who had brought in the flags and worship tools they have. She was so excited to be able to talk to someone who understands this stuff too. She was excited to hear about Shachah and everything going on. She said “Oh if we could just get you here to teach for about six months.” I asked her if she knew I was probably moving here. She hugged me excitedly.

I have shared my vision with Darrell and Terry—well, I think only Terry has read it so far, but it is there for him too. It rings with where they are. Terry was just saying, the church is at a place where they are ready for this and need to understand it. She added that I was the one who had it to bring in. We laughed—would they have ever believed I would be the one??? OF ALL PEOPLE! We decided that we would put off my worship seminar until I move so we are past the summer craziness and I am settled and stuff, so we will do it in August or September for a Saturday. I am really excited about that, but I feel better about waiting too. I am in too much limbo to dedicate the time and prayer right now it would take to be responsible for educating a group of people in the church on something this vital to their lives. But the vision is growing. I guess I am growing with it.

Darrell’s sermon was so incredibly attuned to my situation, and I assure you it had nothing to do with me personally on his behalf. He preaches what God puts in him, and this was a chapter of a continuing series. It was just interesting timing. It was about direction and trusting God and going where he says. I just sat there and laughed. God has my number.

We went to lunch with Pastor Dan and Cindy at a cool spaghetti place in Hollywood. We had a great time, ate too much and furthered relationships. I feel like I just know so many people here. I honestly think I had more people to talk to here today than I do in my own church in Tyler. That is not a criticism; it is merely a sign.

Darrell had to preach at the Spanish congregation’s one year anniversary service tonight. That is where they are as I write this. DJ brought me home. I was going to go, but I was exhausted and then I went into the church to work on my dance in the place I am actually doing it. Well, almost. I am doing it onstage and so I practiced on the floor. They are clearing the stage that day, but I was not expecting it cleared to practice. But I did run through it on half the stage because I needed to get a feel for my shoes on the stage. I am glad I did that because I see parts that still need work. Some is simple stuff—directions—when I spin this way do I have time to get back or do I use that as a preparation on the other side? But a couple things are not working. I have 48 counts of music with my streamers and 16 of those counts are not right. So I have to replace them this week. I might have a substitute pattern to put in. I think the rest of the problems are only that I have a very large space to dance (Absolutely NO COMPLAINT THERE!) but have practiced in such a small space that I have to make it bigger. I discovered that I have contained much of this dance to a small box and I need to draw it out more now that I see my room. I do it in three weeks. I am also doing this at my home church… the date is the mystery and that could get complicated…

Okay, here is the deal. Unless I get offered a job before next week, I have to come back here June 12 for a job fair. That pretty much guarantees me a job I the right locale, but it means paying for another trip out here on the same paycheck when I have no money left! Obviously the cheap way to do this is to drive out, but that is a thing I DREAD. I HATE the trip. AND adding to that is the fact that I have to drive out again when I move that that puts more miles on my car. I need two tires right now and can’t afford that also. Plane tickets are RIDICULOUSLY high because I am under 14 days advance notice, but I could do Priceline because I am flexible, but then I have no car so I have to add more for a rental. So yes, money is a HUGE HUGE factor. I finally traced it back to the source of today’s ick. I am not in good shape this month at ALL. Then there is the fact that I pretty much HAVE to move out of my apt. July 1 so I have that extra rent money to use for the moving truck. To do that I have to be able to re-lease my apt myself so I have to pay for an ad in the paper and how the apt. Yet I also have to be in Los Angeles for 10 days. Adding to that is the fact that if I actually move out here July 1, I have to pack everything pretty much NOW and finish in that last week I am home. It means coming home June 23, getting everything together and going right back out. You know, commuting to Dallas each week is one thing, but LOS ANGELES?!

Honestly I am not sure how to make it work. A couple people have been saints and offered to help me pack in Tyler. I thank God for that, but I also see that beyond packing there is work to be done. If I had about $2000 I could make it all happen—and I have it coming through my TRS payout, but not in time. I have serious doubts my grandfatherly banker will give me a loan ONLY because he will disagree with my moving, despite my excellent credit at that bank. That would be ideal: borrowing against the TRS and then when I get that check, paying it back. So even if it took a couple months it would be no big deal. I will try of course. Sometimes bankers do things they don’t want to because it is in THEIR best interest. Boy, with my withdrawal tax penalties and interest on a loan it is going to be a low payout!

I guess the logistics of it all are most consuming to me right now. Do I store my stuff in Texas and come back for it on my first school break when I get the TRS money so I can rent the truck? Do I rent the truck and store it here for a month til I can move in? So many annoying questions. I wish I could also interview with Glendale Unified tomorrow, but that is unlikely since she will probably not read my email until after it is too late to get me there. If I KNEW what job I had and my start date, my life would be so much easier!

When Terry gets home we are going to pray, put all this junk in the right hands—and pray for my blasted other leg which was doing fine until I worked on my dance today. UGH! I hope I can come home from this trip with some definite dates and answers.

The vision is clearer because I can see it –I see the church, the people the need. That helps so much. But I am still muffled by the details and the finances that seem to all be so complicated and so impossible. What good is having money if you can’t have it when you need it! BLAST! I will spend more time in LA this month than Texas, possibly. I think I am okay with that, but I can tell it will truly be a hard adjustment. I see a lot of dancing at the ocean in my future as I learn all this and adjust to a new life.

The fact remains, when I am in the presence of God the path is clear. I only deviate in the details of the world. Still, I am overwhelmed. And earthquakes are the least of my concern.

It is time to rebuild the wall.