Later… I am on a break from thinking. Tonight I hung out at work til 5:45 even though the faculty meeting was over at 4:15. I went to my room a bit, then back to the office where I hung out with Detective (Mr. Bambico) and then Dr. Hayes for a long time, just chatting. We left in laughter and ran into other staff members. He went to meet his wife for dinner and I got a Diet Coke and came home. Tomorrow they are serving us a teacher appreciation lunch and I will hang out all afternoon until my after school class. And then I realized something. I never hang out at work anymore. This is the first time I have wanted to hang out after hours or in an office in my conference time since before spring break and California Trip #1. You know what that means. ESCAPE. I truly am lost suddenly. I agree with every word Terry says and it scares me. I don’t want to look, don’t want to think, don’t want to address any of it. I want to take up residence in a cave—or better yet my classroom. I enjoy my students so much. They are the light of my life here in Tyler. They really are. I will dote there, and live there until I know. I mean, yeah, I DO know, but there is a piece missing STILL and it is officially getting on my last nerve. Now that the nerve is under pressure, I must succumb and do things like hang out in principal’s offices laughing about crazy things.

Sometimes the stream down the road starts to look really good.