A week into April and icicles threaten the morning. The forecasters cannot decide between 32 and 33 degrees. What is the difference if you are shivering? In three days, at this very moment, I should be on a plane, just an hour out of LAX, desperate to see God in whatever is going on.

The last couple of days have been challenging in a few ways. Today it was musical. It is truly amazing how one off the cuff comment spoken once can affect you for months or ever. But I am in a block, a fear, I am ashamed I have. I am too in love with Jesus to live in fear, but alas! I am also human and trying to love more. So I wrestled tonight. I wrestled while Robin was here. She encouraged me in this failed endeavor, but I cannot break through yet. We had a great time, we worshipped and danced, but I stopped short of taking a chance in that lost musical arena. Sunday is days away and I am afraid to try, yet I know I must. I wonder how this will play out—or if it will be played at all.

My great desire more and more is to fill in the blanks I construct with verbiage in order to protect the innocent. Some things will become clearer soon. Within weeks this blog could see its end as the road trip will produce answers. I went from Interstates to trying to stay on the Highway of Holiness, but I am still traveling.

I want to answer the questions I imply in my cryptic prose. I can’t yet. In some cases I am the bearer of news I am not allowed to share. In other cases, I simply am not personally released yet to do so. But soon. It is coming.

Depending on what words from God I get in the next several days, I am tentatively planning to go away the last weekend of April, in between Shachah jaunts, and seek God and pray and wait to hear from Him. I wonder if I will ever spend a weekend at home again.

The rest of my week is packed. Tomorrow have to go to Quitman because I got an insurance check for some minor hail damage (go, Texas storms!) and have to show my car to the bank so they see it is really fine and the money can go to my payment or me. That check is more than enough to cover my New York plane fare for the worship conference next month. God is at it again. As I have mentioned, every cent of my trip this weekend was paid for already. Within days of buying the ticket I basically saw it all come back, or learned it would be added to my next check. Now New York is covered. And just tonight the plane fares went back down and went ever lower than before. I am holding off because they are dropping.

Anyway, after the bank trip I will come home and do laundry, go to church for dance, come home, sleep. Then Thursday I have dance at the college after work and then dance at church after that. I will get in past my bedtime, inhale food an FINALLY it will be Friday. Finally the answers will get clearer.