Fear—plain, simple, unwelcome and here. By the end of this day, I am in intermittent tears. It is a combination of things, but mostly the emotion. It is suddenly overwhelming me, no doubt because the truth is setting in. Even songs have different meanings. After nine years it is time—or maybe after a lifetime it is time. But I don’t feel ready.

Tonight I realized what the last two years have been—that set aside confidence and healing time. It all made sense. Then my college supervisor said some stuff to me that shocked me. It was like she was speaking prophetically over me but she had no clue she was even in the Spirit. But she was. By the time I got in the car, I was near tears. I had tried to call Terry all afternoon, only to get a busy signal. On my way home I tried Robin but got the machine. Then I tried Terry two more times and got her machine. I left a message for Robin, not for Terry. I could not even get Debbie, whom I was calling for a different reason. I could get no one. There was nothing but silence mixed with occasional tears. I know so surely but I am so scared. I really wanted to talk to Terry. I have not talked to her since I was there and though I have written a lot, it is not the same. It was only two weeks ago, but it was a whole two weeks ago. My boundary lines can’t exist anymore, my feelings must be overruled by faith and whether I am ready or not, it is time. And I am scared. The road is so narrow and steep.